Why we're to blame for ruining the thought behind Valentine's Day

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Valentine’s Day has been universally celebrated by people of all ages across centuries, but is it still relevant?

Our big peculiar world is full of all kinds of unsolved mysteries, ranging from fascinating to pressing to even simply absurd. Were the Hanging Gardens of Babylon real? How on earth did Donald Trump become president of one the biggest economies in the world? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? But the question we’re addressing today has divided generations for eons, and we’re no closer to coming to a conclusion: is Valentine’s Day still relevant, or rather, has it ever been?

The history of Valentine’s Day

It’s likely Saint Valentine rolls in his grave whenever two people fight over gifting dos and don’ts and special date plans for Valentine’s Day, as legend has it that the ‘day of love’ originated as a Western Christian feast day honouring the sacrifice of (one or two) saints named Valentine—yes, there were more than one St Valentine, and though it likely that their stories merged, the one that popularly celebrated on Valentine’s Day is claimed to be St Valentine of Rome. Other accounts speak of martyrdom stories, including a written account of Saint Valentine of Rome’s imprisonment for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry. During this imprisonment, Saint Valentine allegedly restored the sight of the judge’s blind daughter, and before his execution wrote her a letter signed “Your Valentine”, as farewell.

The day first became associated with romantic love in the 14th century within popular English poet and author Geoffrey Chaucer’s circle, but by 18th century England, it evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by offering flowers, confectionery and greeting cards. But as ambiguous as the origins of Valentine’s Day may be, one thing is pretty clear—it paid deeper tribute to the concept of love when it began, going way beyond big bouquets, overbooked restaurants and overpriced chocolates.

Two halves of a heart

Universally, there seem to be two solid camps when it comes to Valentine’s Day. One firmly believes the concept has been bastardised into a purely commercial holiday, a marketing man’s marvel if you will. The other side may not believe in the ethereal concept of an overgrown baby shooting a heart-shaped arrow at your object of affection in order to get them to fall in love with you, but this is the camp that believes sweet gestures are in order on this special day—because what’s so wrong about using a day to celebrate your paramour, or in today’s age of self-love, an evening with yourself?

Truth be told, I’ve always walked the tightrope. The romantic in me has fallen prey to all the rom-coms TV channels were bound to play on the February 14, and even felt a little twinge when my boyfriend at the time did no more than wish me ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’, but the logical side of me has eschewed the concept of this day and dismissed it as a gimmick.

Love, actually

But today, after years of playing hot and cold and poring over the endless debates over the concept, I’ve come to the conclusion that the day isn’t a gimmick—we are. Considering Valentine’s Day did originate to commemorate a special kind of sacrifice and a love, and as a sacred day to spend some time with your loved one, or simply to take a minute to appreciate the presence of love in your life, it is perfectly valid. The problem begins and ends with human beings using it as an excuse to make money, or validate their relationships and raise relationship expectations to unrealistic levels. It’s a problem for those impressionable young people who are reaching adolescence in a world where Valentine’s Day is seemingly as meaningful as Christmas Day—they may not be able to look beyond the expected norms of a cultivated day, or dig deeper to ponder its true meaning.

Truth is, love can be celebrated every day. And the minute you understand that, you realise that Valentine’s Day isn’t relevant or irrelevant—it’s just like any other day, and each day is the best possible opportunity to love a little more. In a world where discord is the order of the times, it wouldn’t hurt to spread love whenever we get the chance, whether on Valentine’s Day or otherwise.

I’ll leave you with a beautiful lesson from her a colleague’s father on love. “My dad has never celebrated the day with my mum, but does routine Sunday morning flower market runs for her and is her designated driver for when she has to catch a flight (6am or 12am). He says, ‘You don’t need a day to celebrate love. It’s got to be done all day every day, that’s how it works.’”